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Sunday, January 31, 2010

Day 31: Orientation

Day 31
Planets orbit the sun.
Forms orbit the mind.
-Deng Ming-Dao

We each have multiple personality disorder, to one degree or another. When I'm home and not working there is no makeup, no hair-play, no concern about how things are matching or look. For me it's about utilizing my clothing to keep me warm when I'm walking in the woods and to keep my shoulder-length hair from tangling in the wind. That is me with out a mask and without an agenda. However, when it comes to working, I morph into a different aspect of myself. In order to get into a corporate/office state I must place the armor on - office attire, makeup, hair just so, and organization tools. If I don't, then I won't survive the next two months of a tax season. I feel armed and ready for the societal play vs. when I'm not working it is not about society at all, but about the true essence of me which is really very basic.

"Those who follow the Tao undersand that a diverse personality is problematic only if some aspects dominate to the exclusion of others. This is unbalanced. If there is a constant alteration between all spects, then equilibrium is possible."

It is a balancing act, for I know that the office-girl for the 8 hour days I spend in an office offset aspect of the nature-girl and vice versa. I was fortunate enough to have three days off over the weekend and we had a wonderful snow storm that I walked in fresh powder the first day during the storm and the second day with a blue sky and sunshine, snow glistening. If either of these days had been spent within the confines of the office I would have been very sad, indeed. I couldn't get these days back, I can't relive them, there won't be this snow fall ever again. For some reason this reality has become very dominant in my thinking ever since I decided to work for a few months. So, I'm trying to balance the temporary inconvenience for a chance at the eternal freedom. But, the carrot at the end of the stick is not always what it seems and seeking the future means you're not living in the present.

Somehow there must be an orientation between the two places in which you live and the multiple aspects of who you are and what you believe. If someone told me that I was going to die next week, I'd most assuredly quit the job and live my days with husband, dogs and cats in the woods and in my home. Savoring each special moment. But, to my knowledge this is not so. In order to spend my future in the best way I know and plan it so, then I must orient myself to the present situation and hope for the best, making certain that office-girl doesn't manifest too strongly (she is the old-ego & is very dangerous) and nature-girl (true essence of me - good ego) needs to enjoy the days in the woods when she has them and try to be patient with the process of renewal (the carrot) in the form as a potter, writer, naturalist, traveler and emerging crone.

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