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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Day 34: Engagement

Day 34
Prey passes the tiger who
Sometimes merely looks,
Sometimes punces without hesitation,
But never fails to act.
-Deng Ming-Dao

The author continues, "This is engagement. Whatever comes to you, you must engage it somehow. You receiveit, you may later the circumstances and let it go, you many interject something of your own into it, or you may knowingly let it pass. Wahtever you do, there is no need to be apathetic toward life. Instead, full participation in all thing is the surest way to happiness, vitality, success and a deep knowledge of Tao"

Today I walked out of H&R Block knowing that I would not return. It was my last day because it was not working. It was an opportunity that ended up not to be a good fit. Best to let it go.

Joseph Campbell what right about following a pay check or a pay off vs. following your bliss. For $9 per hour, a chance at an unemployment check of $190 week and re-training (ends up not in too many areas that fit my interests or my path), I thought that selling my soul to the corporate devil would be easy for 3 months. But, it wasn't. I cried almost every day knowing that deep inside of me I wasn't doing the right thing, but was conforming to the programming still playing inside of me. I know the sound of that program and thought I could just listen to the hum of it's disgusting little sound for a short time. Alas, won't due for me.

I can't do it anymore - the lie. I don't have to live it, either. I've have seen the corporate monster's fangs once too many times and I won't be its prey. I just cut it short and ran away. Taking my gains/losses and moving onto living my inner truth - back to long days with Pembroke Welsh Corgi's in my little house with my wonderful husband, three cats and my magical walks in the woods. Oh, how I've missed my simple little life over the past two weeks (seems much longer) and have longed to return, knowing now what I've taken for granted and the most precious of all - time and simple beauty.

So, if engagement is about letting go of "opportunities", like when the tiger sights prey but is not hungry enought to hunt, then that's me in this scenerio. My belly is full. I can lay in the shade of a tree and watch the tall grass blow in the wind. Content. There are always other ways to engage myself that fill days and nights with sweet dreams and smiling mornings.

If engagement means selling your soul
then don't do it, my friend.
What you will endure is a timeless sorrow
that time cannot mend.

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