Day 31: Orientation

Day 31

Planets orbit the sun.

Forms orbit the mind.

-Deng Ming-Dao

We each have multiple personality disorder, to one degree or another. When I'm home and not working there is no makeup, no hair-play, no concern about how things are matching or look. For me it's about utilizing my clothing to keep me warm when I'm walking in the woods and to keep my shoulder-length hair from tangling in the wind. That is me with out a mask and without an agenda. However, when it comes to working, I morph into a different aspect of myself. In order to get into a corporate/office state I must place the armor on - office attire, makeup, hair just so, and organization tools. If I don't, then I won't survive the next two months of a tax season. I feel armed and ready for the societal play vs. when I'm not working it is not about society at all, but about the true essence of me which is really very basic.

"Those who follow the Tao undersand that a diverse personality is problematic only if some aspects dominate to the exclusion of others. This is unbalanced. If there is a constant alteration between all spects, then equilibrium is possible."

It is a balancing act, for I know that the office-girl for the 8 hour days I spend in an office offset aspect of the nature-girl and vice versa. I was fortunate enough to have three days off over the weekend and we had a wonderful snow storm that I walked in fresh powder the first day during the storm and the second day with a blue sky and sunshine, snow glistening. If either of these days had been spent within the confines of the office I would have been very sad, indeed. I couldn't get these days back, I can't relive them, there won't be this snow fall ever again. For some reason this reality has become very dominant in my thinking ever since I decided to work for a few months. So, I'm trying to balance the temporary inconvenience for a chance at the eternal freedom. But, the carrot at the end of the stick is not always what it seems and seeking the future means you're not living in the present.

Somehow there must be an orientation between the two places in which you live and the multiple aspects of who you are and what you believe. If someone told me that I was going to die next week, I'd most assuredly quit the job and live my days with husband, dogs and cats in the woods and in my home. Savoring each special moment. But, to my knowledge this is not so. In order to spend my future in the best way I know and plan it so, then I must orient myself to the present situation and hope for the best, making certain that office-girl doesn't manifest too strongly (she is the old-ego & is very dangerous) and nature-girl (true essence of me - good ego) needs to enjoy the days in the woods when she has them and try to be patient with the process of renewal (the carrot) in the form as a potter, writer, naturalist, traveler and emerging crone.

Day 30: Lovemaking

Day 30

Nocturnal downpour

Wakes the lovers,

Floods the valley.

-Deng Ming-Dao

He writes, "Making love is something mysterious, sacred, and often the most profound interaction between two people. Whether what is created is a relationship or pregnancy, the legacy of both partners will be inherent in creation. What we put into love determines what we get out of it."

There is a huge difference between creating a relationship or a pregnancy. This is the give-away that a man wrote about lovemaking. Men do not know what it is like to be pregnant and how it is not always the woman's choice - post-lovemaking.

I agree that lovemaking can be mysterious and sacred, but after the candles go out, there is the morning realization that left to be spontaneous there is ultimately the reality of  reproductive biology.  In this case, Deng Ming-Dao needs a female post-sex POV not the male post-ejaculate POV. For, in the morning light, there is the reality that lovemaking is not just lovemaking, it has a potential end result that changes everyone's life and it's not just about a legacy. Procreate for the sake of the Tao? Come on., you can't be serious.

"I have felt the say of the elephant's shoulders

and now you expect me to ride on an ass?"

-Mirabai

(as interpreted by Rober Bly)

Day 29: Scars

Day 29

Markings in dry clay disappear

Only when the clay is soft again.

Scars upon the self disappear

Only when one become soft within.

-Deng Ming-Dao

Scars. Physical. Mental. Emotional. Spiritual. How do you mend them all in one lifetime? It is very difficult. Just when one heals another seems to come to the surface or you're placed in a situation that creates a new one. The key is to not acquire these new scars, but to do that all aspects of your life become calculated and you hide yourself in order to not be vulnerable. To be soft is difficult, especially if your entire life has been about surviving by acquiring a hard shield against the world in order to get through your life. The idea of becoming soft is like asking an armadillo to roll over and let you rub its belly - not an easy process.

Day 28: Accountablility

Day 28
A father without a father

Has difficulty balancing.

A master without a master

Is dangerous.

-Deng Ming Dao

Most people don't hold themselves accountable. They think that they can say or do anything and it's okay. If it's good for them, then to hell with who they may be bringing down, just as long as it doesn't cost them anything. If you are a person who holds themselves accountable, then the weight of the world is always upon your shoulders; even the slightest comment or action you hold to be worth a great deal in the way it may or may not impact others. Those who the complete opposite are usually the ones who have lived in a safe cocoon where they and their ego sits in the center of a very tiny world. I agree with what the author states:

"That is why wise people travel constantly and test themselves again the flux of circumstance. It is only in this way that they can truly confirm their thoughts and compensate for their shortcomings."

I have travled a great deal, not only in the distance from one point to another in terms of geography, but also in my life as a person - trying new things, jobs, experiences. This gives me a great sense of how big the world is and how travel, in one way or another, generates an accountability for how you conduct yourself in varous social situations and cultures. Those who rarely venture out of themselves can never know how to be accountable and only use what they have to diminish others in the process.

Day 27: Feasting

Day 27

Feasting is the flame in mid-winter

That kindles the fire of friendship

And strengthens the community.

- Deng Ming-Dao

I fear community. It's true. I don't trust a group of people. I feel the most alone within a group of individuals that equal more than four, including myself. Feasting keeps people busy. When the feasting is over and folks have run out of good things to say or stories to tell that the the problems begin. Usually someone ends up saying or doing the wrong thing to the wrong person. 

Deng Ming-Dao admits, "Like any other human edeavor, the feast is vulnerable to manipulation and politics, the selfish maneuvering of cynical individuals. This is difficult to avoid completely, for it is impossible for a group to truly be united. The only way to mitigate this is for the collective to keep its intentions strictly on its purpose, to select its leaders wisely, and for those leaders to be an enlightened as possible."

If possible, it is best to keep your time short and sweet. Even if it seems as if all is going well, best to leave on a good note and not stay in the hopes that the fun with continue because it won't. Nor can you count on leaders of such organizations to be enlightened for most as are bad as the masses they lead. No your limits. Be true to yourself. Get out while the gettin' is good. Eat, Drink & Mingle, then GO!

"And that's all I've got to say about that."

- Forest Gump

Day 26: Adoration

Day 26

Images on the alter,

Or imagined within:

We pray to the,

But do they answer?

-Deng Ming-Dao

The author writes, "When the wise say there are no gods, they mean that the key to understanding all things is within ourselves. External worship is merely a means to point within to the true source of salvation."

Gods are but myths and symbols to help man with his moral compass. Strip this aspect away from them and we are left with the reflection of Self. We have created Gods & Goddesses in our image, not the other way around. No one can save you but yourself, for you are your own damnation and salvation. Look within yourself for the understanding - it is there waiting for you to recognize it.

Don't listen to those who tell you that it can't come in a literal form, it can. However, many times it arrives as a metaphor or an "ah ha" moment, like a bolt of lightning. What comes to support you and guide you is yours and yours alone. Don't let teachers, mystics or anyone else tell you differently. You'll know when you've recognized the divinity within yourself. At first it is confusing and it may take time to sort the truth that you've recognized this within yourself. Walk forward in confidence and adoration at your personal awareness and triumph over idolatry and religion!

When I write about nature giving me peace, knowledge and acceptance it's not because I believe nature is a reflection of God, but I do believe it is a true reflection of me and my personal divinity. I touch the earth, the earth touches me: Atonement is also at-one-ment, which is also adoration and acceptance of the personal spirit you were born with in this life. Don't let anyone take that from you!

Spending almost a lifetime

seeking adoration for myself through

the acceptance of external divinity.

Today, I found it on the ground as scattered

patterns of fallen pine needles, the smell of

the salt marsh and when I felt me heart fill

with happiness for giving myself the

gift of adoration and acceptance to walk

 in such a beautiful reflection of my own divinity.

-Demori

Day 25: Uselessness

Day 25

An ancient gnarled tree:

Too fibrous for a logger' saw,

Too stwisted to fit a carpenter's square

Outlasts the whole forest.

- Ding Ming-Dao

What discerns something to be useful or useless? What if you fall somewhere inbetween?

It is based upon the judgement of the observer and their personal agenda,along with social and community expectations and guidelines. For instance, a cow is viewed as a source for meat in western society. However, you wouldn't harm a hair on the same cow in Hinudu countries due their belief that cows are scared because of the religious association of Lord Krishna, the cow herder. Hindus will use the cow for milk and commodity for trade, but cannot ever consider killing it.

So, for those of us you fall inbetween the cracks of the extremes, what do we represent? According to Ding Ming-Dao, "...it is the chance to live without interference and to expres one's own individuality." 

This is true in the sense that we are not the most beautiful, handsome, richests and popular, etc. , thus we do not need to expend energy attempting to keep the status that so many must fight for each day to stay "at the top of their game."

As for me, I'd much rather being a gnarled tree, like a desert juniper, than a perfect straight up and down tree - very boring and mundane. When I see a twisted tree set on the edge of a desert landscap, I feel like the earth is reflecting my non-linear attitude to life. I think this is where our western definitions of "perfect" are askew,  for it is in the imperfections that the interesting aspects of a person are found - the flaws that can be so grand.

Uuselessness is judgement

based on linear concepts

 that have no place for those of us

 looking for the twists and gnarls of life.
-Demori